Crossroads

Recently, I’ve met someone. Actually no. I’ve known this man since 2006.

I met him a long time ago. We’ve been friends for a while. Except recently, it’s become more than that.

I’ve always liked him as a friend. But it’s been ages since I’ve had a friend where it’s become more than just that. The transition from boy friend to boyfriend is rather murky. There are definitely things that I knew about him making that transition, and as such it’s made it easier.

And with a college friend of mine, who now is still a very good friend, I’ve been down that road before. We dated for two years before he broke it off. He was questioning at the time, although at the time too afraid to tell me. It was only in 2009 that he came out of the closet and confessed to me, and to those closest to him. He loved me emotionally, but was (obviously) unable to love me physically.

Now, it’s ironic how the situation plays out again. I don’t like comparing current and past partners, but I can’t help but notice the similarities, however superficial or deep. My guy is a UPenn graduate like myself, although graduated the year before I did, whereas Mike and I finished the same year. Both are of Italian descent. Both are introverted and mellow, though I’d argue my new friend is getting out more lately. Both aren’t much into the fitness lifestyle, although both are making strides to become more athletic. Both have that bookworm look (and this is not a bad thing, I say, just sheer observation), with glasses. And both were and are gentlemen…

Interesting.

Philly skyline by night. 6 July 2011.

The one thing that distinguishes him, and makes me somewhat uneasy only because I’m not used to it, is the hopeless romantic characteristics. He has told me VERY early on that he does have feelings for me, and has admitted that pouring his feelings is not something he’s not used to doing. Yet, I know while he has feelings, I’ll admit I’m just not used to someone being overly romantic and truly meaning it. There’s that skeptic part of me for anyone, and part of that is just not being used to the hopeless romantic type.

I’ve always been a subscriber to the “if it’s too good to be true, it probably is” approach, but then again, Jason confessed straight up about he felt, plus he’s a friend I’ve known for awhile, not a random person that I’ve just gotten to know.

Regardless it takes me a longer time to truly develop those feelings for a guy. Make no mistake, I like – no I really like – what I see in him. I do see long term potential here.

For some reason, I’m just more cautious about it. Skeptical, cynical, hesitant, I’m not sure.

The things we don’t have in common? Eating is a main issue; I am an ardent believer in the vegetarian and healthy lifestyle; large portions aren’t happening for me. As long as he doesn’t force his habits on me, then I’m good.

I’m trying to figure myself as hard as I am he. And I just need more time to really and fully reciprocate those feelings. For now, I just need more time with him.

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