Breaking News: Phoebe’s Reality Check

Pierre just called now.

I think Master Fate finally managed to cut me a break. Sort of.

A nice windfall of encouraging news: upon seeing the stress and toll that Phoebe’s behaviour is taking on me, between Pierre and others on his side of the family, they pretty much gave her a bit of a bollocking today in terms of what she could and could not do to me in terms of my personal life.

Note I am paraphrasing as follows:

“You need to face reality. Whether I agree with you or not is not the issue. Even if I did agree with you, you need to face the facts. We’re not in Sri Lanka. We are in the United States. We have to abide by American law here. Our culture will not save you or her or anyone for that matter. You cannot force her to get married or have kids. When children are eighteen, they are adults regardless of the relationship between them and the parents.”

There’s the state of emancipation before eighteen, but in my case, I was able to keep my head above water until I left high school.

Translation: If I take her – or any proposed husband – to court should they take things too far, they are pretty much dead ducks.

I’m not out of the woods, but I am just a bit relieved a few others in the family finally found a way to step up. I am glad Pierre is even knowing he has to live with her for the rest of his life. And even more so her realisation that she will probably lose this fight.

Make no mistake. She is still very angry. A lot of my relatives are in general.

“This is not a hard concept! Everyone wants children, everyone wants to have a family!!” she screamed at Pierre. “What is wrong with her? She’s not normal!”

Why do people subscribe to the fallacy that if loads of people do something it must be right for everyone?

“Let me throw you a hypothetical [situation] here,” cautioned Pierre. “What if she has a medical problem and she can’t have kids because of it?”

“Then she shouldn’t be doing things that are going to hurt her and keep her from having kids. For one thing she needs to stop this [garbage] running.”

“You’re missing the point,” Pierre responded angrily. “What if her condition is out of her control? God forbid, what if she gets cancer that prevents her from having children?”

“Well that would be very sad, but that also means she’s useless to me. What was the point of me raising her and spending time on her if she doesn’t have children? As a woman [unable or unwilling], she’s a waste!”

Everyone together now:

Nonetheless, Pierre’s actions won’t stop the screaming and yelling that happens at every family gathering. It won’t stop the interrogation. It won’t stop the fighting. It won’t stop Phoebe from calling my lifestyle anti-traditional or anti-family, nor will it stop her routine lectures on why having children is part of a healthy and normal lifestyle. It won’t stop our extended family from trying to push more traditionally oriented men our way.

Of course, as this continues to wear on me, the ball will probably be in my court to cut her off when I need to. And thankfully, Jeff for one, has encouraged me that I will need to draw a line in the sand, that my life is my life, a huge relief to me, as I do get the impression (rightly or wrongly) most men would run away from a heavily career oriented woman with an over the top family like myself.

Among others, I am just happy for his support.

Most importantly though this just might stop her from engaging in all out war that could destroy everyone’s lives though.

I might just not need to worry about the worst case scenario…yet. Still anything could change, but for now I consider this a good sign.


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