Oy. If you know me in real life well enough, you’ll know that only recently I’ve been able to focus or rather, I should say, devote a little more time to dating and meeting people. Obviously having been rusty, and dare I say unlucky even in the past year, only recently have I been getting used to people throwing one-liners in asking me out for dinner, drinks or whatever.
Okay, maybe not getting used to. More like “wait, why are they doing this?”
No, I don’t mean total shock in thinking, “oh these guys are actually interested in me, they think I’d be what they are looking for, or they think I’m attractive enough, etc.” More like “are they looking to get lucky” or “hey wanna go out for a drink” out of the blue without having said anything else to me. Especially with online dating.
I’m a big fan of the “friends first” mentality amongst people I know in real life. I’d like to at least know the guy isn’t a total jerk or at the very least, he’s worth my time before I go out with him, especially with my evenings becoming more and more booked.
The ones that make my eyes roll are especially the ones where the guys compliment my eyes. Is that something all guys do? It’s nice people think my eyes look nice but that just loses its charm. I guess guys say these things if they have nothing else to say? It might make sense in a bar setting, but online dating, I have a fairly verbose profile, so I’d hope the guy likes me for a quality or characteristic I describe in my profile. Maybe I’m being too analytical, but when I see guys saying “heeeeyyyy your eyes are so cute and I love your smile” especially when I put it under the “features people notice first about you” section, it really doesn’t impress me too much. Telling me I’m “hot” okay, again thanks for the compliment it does make me feel good, but honestly any guy could say that if they wanted.
It’s not that I don’t take compliments, but I just get more leery if the guy really likes me for me. Maybe some guys really want to take the time to get to know the girl in person, but some don’t. I might tell a guy online, “I wouldn’t mind going out, but I’d like to get to know you a little better first.” Which for some guys, it’s a turn off. Oh well. That’s fine, but it’s just not my style.
Now if I’m at a bar, club, function – which RARELY if ever is the case, and definitely not where I like picking up guys, as most people my type generally aren’t bar/club people – and if a guy orders a drink for me and if the bartender serves it to me, I might chat the guy up and give him a chance if I think I might like him. But online is a bit different.
The ones where I wound up going on dates so far, resulted after me getting to know them well enough and whether or not I continued dating them, the dates went very well. We had a fun time, and within conversation I’d find out easily whether the guy was really a better fit for me or not.
But dang, these one-liners of “do you want a drink” out of nowhere or more desperate zingers just don’t do anything for either of us. Amongst those women who know what they want, regardless of age, it’s going to take more time to sort out if we might be a good fit enough to spend some time together.
That said, for the record, I’ll be seeing another guy in the city, who has some of the same characteristics as myself. Seems to be a urbanite foodie like myself, pretty active in athletics, enjoys exploring the city, good conversation and he is getting an MS where I got my BA, so we can chat a little about the GBC as well. We pinged messages back and forth for 3-4 weeks before we decided to head out together.
My point is at least in my book, get to know me a little first before you ask me out, especially in the online world. It doesn’t need to be 3-4 weeks. But I need to get enough information from our online convos that you’re a cool guy that keeps a cool head, with like-minded thinking/approach/lifestyle, etc with myself.
Gents, is that such a bad thing to ask? Am I possibly missing something? Are some guys just more confident in putting all their eggs together for the real-time meeting? Do some guys understand that some women are leery of the online dating world in terms of safety to begin with? Feel free to give me feedback.